how to love yourselfAs Whitney sang, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love off all”. But what makes self-love so vital in life? And why is it often so hard to do?

This episode of Life Happens LIVE Paul sheds light on these questions and gives you a practical exercise to nurture the most important relationship you have in your life – the one you have with yourself.

You’ll learn:

  • How your relationship with yourself influences every aspect of your life.
  • Why we resist thinking more highly of ourselves and what that costs us.
  • 3 ways to strengthen your foundation of self-love.

Share the love! If you’ve enjoyed this podcast please share it, tweet it, like it and / or leave a comment below. Thank you



Whitney Houston sang, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” But why is self-love so important? And why is it the hardest kind of love to master?

“Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.” – Margo Anand

Self Love

Imagine that you and I are standing face to face and I proudly tell you, “I love myself”. What would your initial reaction be?

Would you think, “That’s nice, I’m pleased he feels that way”?

Would you think, “Er, OK, that’s a weird thing to share openly”?

Or would you think, “Wow, he’s full of himself. He must have an over-inflated ego”?

Of course, what you think will be in some way based on the existing beliefs and perceptions you already have of me, but interestingly, it will also be (and perhaps more so) indicative of your own comfort level with the topic of self-love.

Virtually all personal growth and spiritual disciplines throughout time point towards the importance of loving and accepting yourself. Psychologists call it ‘positive self regard’. And it is not important just because it feels nice; it’s important because your attitude towards yourself shows up everywhere in your reality.

[pullquote align=”left”]”…there is no shortage of happiness in the world, only a lack of clarity about where it comes from.”[/pullquote]The desire to overcome any problem you have in life is really, at its core, a desire to heal the relationship within. It may not look that way on the outside, but unconsciously you recognise that the world is just a mirror reflecting your self-image right back at you.

As happiness expert, Dr Robert Holden, writes in his book, Loveability, “The quality of your relationship with yourself determines the quality of your relationship with everything else.”

This is the ultimate truth about where authentic lasting happiness really comes from.

The more willing we are to accept and love ourselves just the way we are, the less we go looking for comfort and happiness in the wrong places. I guess one way of looking at it is that there is no shortage of happiness in the world, only a lack of clarity about where it comes from.

No amount of comfort-eating can come close the comfort of self-acceptance.

A credit card transaction can never love you like you can love you.

Judging and proving others wrong will never give you the same inner satisfaction as when you give up judging yourself.

Obsessing that your partner doesn’t love you enough becomes irrelevant when you love yourself enough.

So why is the whole self-love thing so hard?

A lot of it has to do with our conditioning. We want so badly to be accepted by others and to maintain a ‘meaningful’ identity, that the truth about who we really are gets concealed by our glossy personas. Anything we think or feel on the inside that contradicts our socially pleasing outer image becomes a target for our own disrespect.

Self-love gets a bad press, particularly in the western world.

We are taught to value humility and are put off by self-righteousness. We confuse self-love for narcissism and so comply with the social expectation of loving others more than we love ourselves. The irony is that the way we offer our love to them is driven by own capacity for self-love.

[pullquote align=”right”]”The extent to which you find yourself comfortable in your own skin is the extent to which you are willing to accept yourself unconditionally.”[/pullquote]When we say things like, “She really loves herself”, we often don’t mean it in a good way. If we don’t like it in others, we’re certainly not going to like in ourselves. But what we are resisting there is an ‘egotistical’ self regard, which is very different to the more authentic kind of self-love that heals our lives.

I used to have an awful relationship with myself. I had a lot of love to give, but none of it was for me. The mistaken belief I had was that my happiness was dependent on how much other people approved of me.

I had a lot of friends, but I put so much energy into trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be that I was always anxious about being exposed as a fraud. Weirdly, my strategy for finding happiness was the exact same strategy that was making me miserable.

It wasn’t until I learned about the true nature of happiness that I felt brave enough to look my insecurities in the face and see what love could do. What I noticed was as I treated myself with more kindness and compassion, everything in my life got better. I felt happier, healthier, more present, more authentic and more available to others.

If you only ever set one goal in life, make it the goal of loving yourself wholly and completely. It might be the most challenging journey you ever embark on, but no other journey will be as rewarding or have such a vital impact on so many areas of your life. Make it your mission to observe how your relationship with everyone and everything improves as your relationship with yourself improves.




Here are three things you can begin to focus on right now to strengthen your foundations of self-love. Grab yourself a journal, sit somewhere quiet and be generous with the time you spend reflecting openly and honestly on this exercise.

1, Appreciation

List 5 qualities you genuinely appreciate about yourself, exactly as you are, right now. Perhaps its your courage, your caring nature, your parenting skills. Whatever they are, let yourself sink in the feeling of appreciation that these qualities are present in you, and positive difference they make to your life.

2, Forgiveness

It is impossible to truly love yourself and hold onto judgment at the same time. List 5 things you are willing to forgive yourself for. Perhaps its for the times you’ve put yourself down, for past errors in judgement, or for not looking after your physical / emotional wellbeing.

Sometimes self-forgiveness comes easy and sometimes there is resistance. If there are things about yourself you find hard to forgive, please stick with it. The purpose of forgiveness is not to simply make ourselves feel better about the past; it is to restore ourselves to our truest potential, so we can extend our best, most loving selves out into the world.

3, Acceptance

On a spiritual level you are already perfect. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your soul. But on a practical, human level, there are always going to be things that you are good at and things that you are not so good at.

The extent to which you find yourself comfortable in your own skin is the extent to which you are willing to accept yourself unconditionally. This means loving your rough edges too.

List 5 ways you can be more accepting of your whole self. For example, see if you can love your body just the way it is right now? It doesn’t mean you won’t still work at getting into better shape; it just means you don’t have to hate it while you do.

Can you make your peace with not being the most gifted driver, diplomat, artist or intellectual on the planet? None of these abilities have anything to do with your ability to accept and love yourself fully now.


I hope you are inspired to focus on you today. Please let me know how helpful this post is to you by dropping a comment in the box below.

With love




Share the love! If you’ve enjoyed this post please tweet it, like it and / or leave a comment below. Thank you


relationshipsI received an email this week from one of my lovely Australian subscribers in response to a “Life Happens LIVE” podcast episode called “Opening Up To New Thinking”. She told me how it had given her new insight about the way we experience our thinking and, in particular, a new understanding of how we experience other people.

Inspired by this feedback, today I want to expand a little on the tangible difference we can all make to our own lives when we deepen our understanding of the inside out nature of relationships.

Often times, particularly when we are busy, tired or stressed, we react to relationships as if it they are happening to us; like we are the puppet and they are the puppet master pulling all the strings.

But moment by moment we live in the feeling of our thinking… always. There is never a time when we are not feeling what we are thinking, even when it really, really, REALLY looks like it is the outside world that is responsible for our emotional state.

As Mr. Einstein wisely put it, “Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one.”

You can transform your experience of any relationship for the better by taking ownership of the part you play in creating it.
So here I’m going to address relationships from two angles. The relationships you have with others and the one you have with yourself.

Owning Your Experience of Other People

I believe that fundamentally the purpose of having relationships with other people is that they serve to teach you more about yourself. They are a magnifier of your personal values. There is nothing like a close relationship to highlight what is really important to you, which is why they can be both a source of joy and immense frustration.

With an ‘outside in’ perspective it is easy to believe that the attitudes and actions of others is the reason you are not getting more of what you want in life. You might feel hurt by something they’ve said, restricted by their judgments or feel agitated by their different point of view. But when you calmly take a step back and see what’s really going on you are likely to recognise that things aren’t quite what they seem. There are actually four people in every relationship:

  1. You

  2. Them

  3. The version of them you hold in your head of who you think they are and the story you have about the way they should be.

  4. The version of you they hold in their head and the expectation they have for you.

It is fascinating that you are never really seeing the person as they truly are. Your interaction with them has to go through the filter of your thinking, which is clouded with all your personal philosophies, beliefs and values. And of course they are doing the same back.

Owning your experience of other people is about recognising that they are far more than you perceive them to be. If you feel tension or frustration around your relationship with them, it is not necessarily entirely their fault. It is more likely that something has rubbed up against your story, which means it is time to create some space to reconnect to your inside out understanding of the ‘thought / feeling’ system. Of course, other people can encourage you react negatively, but they can’t make you. You provide your own thoughts and interpretations that make up your reality.

All relationships heal and flourish when both sides are willing to drop their story and allow the other person to be a whole human being. But even when the other side still holds onto their story about you, you can be wise enough to know that they are just expressing their own ‘outside in’ experience and that, deep down, it has surprisingly little to do with you!

Owning Your Experience of Yourself

In the same way that you create stories and mental versions of the people in your life, you do exactly the same to yourself too. We all do (ain’t no shame in it!).

You have a self-image; a way of identifying with the kind of person you think you are. You have a belief about whether you are a good person or not. You compare yourself to others and get a feeling of being better or worse off than them. You praise yourself for a job well done, but you are also your harshest critic. You probably have a feeling of certainty about what you can and can’t do.

But again, you far more than you think you are. Your self-image is a product of the ego, whose primary function is to keep itself alive and relevant by feeding you stories and false evidence about the way human experience really works. It’s intention is always positive, but it often has a cack-handed way of serving your best interests. It thinks that by making you judge and chastise yourself you’ll do better next time. Or it will show you a vivid mental disaster movie of what will happen if you get something wrong, so that you don’t risk it and stay playing safe on the lower steps of life.

The ego is a ‘learned-self’. Through a lifetime of interpreting your experiences and applying meaning to them it has learned and created ‘plausible’ concepts to help you navigate your world.

But beyond you ego is your ‘unconditioned self’. This is who you really are. It is the you that plays host to your true potential, your inner wisdom and intuition. Is it the BIG you.

Your unconditioned self is a place of permanent and pure wellbeing because it has not been polluted by personal thinking.

Have you ever wondered why some of your most insightful ideas have come to you while you’ve not been thinking about them too much? It is because you took your ego out of the equation and let your wisdom do its work.

Spending time contemplating what you would be capable of if you no longer believed the limiting stories of your ego is one of the most freeing exercises you can engage in.

Real personal growth is less about trying to improve yourself and more about accepting your true nature. No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.

The most effective way to own your experience of you is to know that you are not your ego and to practice self-forgiveness. Genuinely forgive yourself for all the times you’ve put yourself down, prevented yourself from taking courageous steps, or for judging others unfairly.

Without forgiveness you can never fully connect to the potential and the wholeness of your being. Forgiveness really does set you free.

And the next time you notice your ego trying to convince you that your experience of life is coming from out there rather than from in here, you can just smile at it and say, “Thank you very much, I’ll take it from here.”


With love


“Here to help you live with purpose.”

Share the love! If you’ve enjoyed this post please tweet it, like it and / or leave a comment below. Thank you :)

“Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne, 1804-1864

happyA concept I often hear from people who are struggling to connect to a greater sense of happiness in their lives, is that they believe they would be much happier if it weren’t for the actions and attitudes of other people.

This covers a multitude of sins. For some it is the frustration of other people acting in unjust, uncaring, self-centred ways. For others, it is that their nearest and dearest are not understanding enough, or are thoughtless, or are disrespectful of options other than their own.

I hear comments like, “How am I supposed to be happy when they are being like that?” or “I try my best to be happy but they make me so mad.”

It is very intriguing; the amount of people who come to me asking for guidance on how they can get other people to change, so that they can be happy. That is not something I have ever been able to help with, nor will it ever be.

As a coach, I can only help the person I’m with. All I can do (and all that is ever required) is to reconnect each individual to their own wellbeing and to help them see that they are the cause of their own happiness, not other people or things.

If there is one principle that underpins just about every aspect of my work, it would be that everybody’s wellbeing is an innate part of their nature. There are no exceptions. Wellbeing is innate and it never leaves us, contrary to the notion that we can often feel like it does.

Whenever we think that our wellbeing has packed its bags and gone for a hike, the truth of the matter is that we are just masking it with our stressful thoughts.

We know that on a cloudy day the sun still exists, even if we can’t see it or feel its warmth. Our wellbeing works in the same way. The moment we drop our stressful thinking, it is like the clouds dissipate so that the warm light can radiate through once more.

We never have to work at re-creating the sun, because it never really goes anywhere.

But we’ve not been taught to think that way. We’ve learned that wellbeing is transactional.

We’ve had a life time of conditioning that has taught us that our emotional experiences are intrinsically linked to what goes on around us. And a big part of that has to do with other people; what they think, what they say and what they do.

If they behave in ways that are in conflict with how we think they should be behaving – or if they seem to be attacking us for not seeing things the same way they do – we suffer. We suffer because we’ve learned to believe that our happiness is dependent on agreement.

This has been going on for years. As children we quickly recognised that there were rules to follow, if we wanted to hold on to a sense of safety and belonging. When we did what we were told, all was well. And when we were naughty, or pushed the boundaries, we were punished and brought back into line.

The moment an infant start to become aware that he or she is sharing this world with other beings, they cannot help but assume their feelings are the result of what those other beings do. They are so dependent.

But prior to that awareness they are simply little bundles of pure wellbeing. As long as they are not hungry or uncomfortable they are at peace; completely in touch with their innate wellness.

Have you ever noticed how babies don’t need therapy?

This powerful, infantile idea that other people are the cause for our wellbeing is why so many of us spend our lives looking outside of ourselves in order to get it back.

This manifests itself in one of two ways. Either, we focus our efforts on trying to control and manipulate others into being the way we want them to be, or we are constantly trying to please them; going along with their desires at the expense of own. Whichever strategy we adopt, our intention is the same; to be reunited with our own wellbeing.

If wellbeing actually did work that way then this would all seem perfectly logical. I please you; you reward me with a good feeling. You please me; I return the favour.

But it doesn’t work like that.

The moment we get that our wellbeing is not, and never has been, anything other than an absence of our own stressful thinking, we are finally free to see our true nature. We are the cause of our own emotional experiences.

When we feel insecure, that is our insecure thinking at work. When we feel love, it is because of our loving thoughts. When you feel happy, sad, angry or joyful… that is an inside job.

When the mind is clear of all thought, the only thing you are left with is the peaceful innate wellbeing you were born with. It is like a quiet flute faintly playing against the din of a big brass band. To hear the flute, we don’t need it to play louder; we need the rest of the band to pipe down for a bit.

There is such a beautiful simplicity to it. It is so kind. You can be connected to your wellbeing and happiness whenever you want, and you don’t even have to do anything to get it; just be still and see that it is your thoughts that have been distracting you from the truth.

In fact, living with your stressful thoughts is like walking around with a close up magician all day long. Even though you know it is just a trick, you still keep getting caught out. You might think:

“Oh no, my partner’s not happy, I have to feel bad too!” and then it can dawn you, “Doh! Fell for it again. It is just my thoughts tricking me.”

And with the openness that follows, realise that you can be of greater service to them, and yourself, when you come from a space of peace, love and compassion, rather than stress and confusion.

Spend some quality time with yourself, reflecting on the important relationships in your life. Notice where and when you have been making other people the custodian of your happiness.

Asking yourself these questions may help you get clear:

• Who have I needed to be happy in order for me to be happy?
• What have I been wanting other people to do in order for me to be happy?
• How have I wanted them to change?
• Who have I blamed for making me feel bad?
• Who have I been trying to please?

As you identify areas of your life where you have been making your happiness dependent on the actions and attitudes of others, notice how much effort that has required from you. What has that cost you in terms of energy and peace of mind?

Now, I’d like to invite you to relax to look inside.

Begin by acknowledging yourself for the positive intention you’ve had for attempting to connect to your wellbeing this way. Then, with a sense of peace and inner knowing, recognise that there is a part of you that has always been well, regardless of whatever has been going on in the outside.

Pay attention to where that wellness resides, and let it begin to spread throughout your whole body, as if you are smiling from the inside out. Stick with that authentic experience and really feel it.

Then, from this space, think about how you will reclaim responsibility for your own happiness in each of those areas you thought about. Imagine how wonderful your life could be when you cut out ‘the happiness middleman’ and decide to feel good on your own terms.
Take great care. Namaste.


“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” – Walter Winchell

emotional bank accountFor most us the ability to live a wonderful life is dramatically enhanced when we can get the balance right in several important areas.

* We want to do work that is meaningful and satisfying (contribution and reward)
* We want to have fun and take part in activities that interest us (recreation and adventure)
* We want to live comfortably within our means (prosperity and security)
* We want to be fit and healthy (wellbeing)
* We want to know that we are growing as individuals (knowledge / skills / wisdom / spirituality)

But perhaps one of the most significant and yet tricky to master areas is in the quality of the relationships we have with other people. Whether we consciously realise it or not the desire to make strong connections with others plays a huge part in determining our overall satisfaction with life.

Relationships, particularly with those closest to us can be very complex, but when it comes to understanding how to enhance that positive feeling of connectedness there is only one simple rule:

Always put in more than you take out!

If you were to imagine that everyone you know is bank and that you hold an account with each of them (similar to a normal bank account but where the concept of money is replaced by emotions) then it becomes a lot more apparent as to how the health of your relationships is dependant on your account balances.

The people in your life keep a constant unconscious tally of the emotional deposits and withdrawals you have been making to your account with them, and their estimation of you is reflected back accordingly. Of course, they also have an account with you too and you are reflecting their balance back to them (either directly or in more subtle ways!!).

As with any account, if you have been regularly depositing positive emotional credits, or perhaps you have made massive lump sum deposits in the past, then your relationship with the account provider can comfortably withstand the odd emotional withdrawal. They are likely to overlook the occasional indiscretion, because of your otherwise buoyant credit history.

However, if too much is taken out, either through lots of little debits or by one large withdrawal, then the account provider can start to get a bit nervous about continuing to provide their services. Depending on the track record of the relationship and the willingness of that person to forgive your debits, they may give you an overdraft facility (usually with a small interest charge), but it is important to remember that you are now living beyond your means and need to find a way of bringing the account back into the black.

If you stay overdrawn for too long then what may have once been a pretty healthy account can easily be suspended or even closed down for good!!

So what kind of behaviours constitutes emotional deposits and withdrawals?


* Keeping your word
* Being a trusted confidant
* Paying genuine compliments
* Acknowledging their successes
* Encouraging and supporting them to realise their potential
* Listening and taking an interest
* Compassionately telling the truth – even if it’s hard to take
* Apologising when you’re wrong
* Being thoughtful


* Lying
* Breaking your promises
* Taking your frustrations out on them
* Being Disrespectful
* Publicly judging them
* Talking behind their back
* Not recognising when something is important to them
* Not inconveniencing yourself to help them out
* Lack of contact
* Having an affair with their spouse!!

The best way I know of to give your emotion bank accounts a new lease of life is simply to be aware of your balances and to consciously seek opportunities to make deposits whenever you can.

Obviously, your intention for building up credit in any particular account should be because of the importance and value you place on the relationship. Any relationship will inevitably suffer if you see your credits as a safety net “just in case” you have to do the dirty on them later!!

So here is a radical idea to get started. How about letting the people you care about actually know that you care about them!! You probably already do this with your closest family and friends (and if you don’t, would now be a good time to start?), but who else do you value (other friends, colleagues, members of your wider community, etc)?

Not telling someone that they are important to you when they are is the relationship equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. At the very least it is a shame. What a wonderful opportunity to strengthen that sense of connectedness for both of you.

You don’t have to go overboard, showering them with gifts or accolades (that could get a little creepy after a while!) but perhaps you could do something simple like dropping it into casual conversation:

“That’s what I love about you John. You always give me a fresh perspective”
“I just want you know how much your support has meant to me over the years”
“I can always rely on you to tell it to me straight, I really value that!”
“I really look forward to seeing you. You’re so much fun to hang out with.”



Make a list of your top ten important relationships and estimate what your emotional bank balance is with each of them. You could do this by giving each one a mark out of ten (10 being “rich beyond my wildest dreams”, and 1 being “I’ll get my coat”!). Equally you might just get a sense or feeling of how you are doing in each one.

Work your way down the list and ask yourself, “What would be the most meaningful deposit I could make in this relationship right now?”

Then make a plan to do each of those things, ensuring that you are clear on how and when you’ll make the deposits.
Take great care. Namaste.


“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.” – Albert Einstein

scienceOver the years it has become apparent to me that for many people on a journey of personal development or spiritual path, the subject of science often doesn’t sit very well. It is as if taking a scientific approach to living in the world somehow devalues the ‘art’ of living and finding true fulfillment.

Perhaps this is due to the association of skepticism that science carries with it. When we position it in that light it seems pretty obvious that we don’t want to put our most treasured beliefs and values under a skeptical scientific microscope. I’ve yet to meet anyone who enjoys having their beliefs and behaviours scrutinised with the soul intention of being proved wrong.

I have found in my work, though, that personal development and science have always been able to share a bed quite happily together. This is because (to me anyway) the real purpose of science is not to pick an argument with what we hold to be true, but rather to seek more truth; to keep investigating and experimenting with different approaches in order to discover the true nature of how things work out best for us. This can be applied on multiple levels:

Thought – “I have discovered that when I frame my thinking in this particular way as opposed to other ways I seem to feel happier and more creative, even though my circumstances remain the same.”

Action – “When I do it this new way rather than that old way I seem to get better, quicker results and experience less conflict or resistance.”

Others – “When I interact with other people using this approach rather than that approach they tend to agree with me more and we enjoy a stronger depth of rapport.”

That’s the essence of science!! It is realising that the world and everything in it responds in exactly the right way according to the uniqueness of whatever triggered that response.

If I walk into a well lit room, find the dimmer switch and turn it to the left, the room is likely to go dark. Now, I could get upset by that and blame my luck or convince myself that the world is a cruel and unfriendly place, or I could realise that, due to the nature of electricity and electrical resistor devices, that my action could only ever have led to darkness. If I want the room to be brighter I’d have to experiment by turning the switch the other way. When I get a better result I can take the new learning and ensure that my experience reminds me to do it that way again in the future.

Obviously, that is a ridiculously simplistic example, but principle remains exactly the same when applied to more meaningful and complex aspects of life; how we get things done, how we relate to others and how we treat ourselves. What we see unfolding around us is, for the most part, only a response to what we have specifically done, said or thought. But unlike in the dimmer switch example, where we know it was the action that was misaligned to the desired result, in life we tend not attribute our negative experiences to the specific ways that we went about triggering those effects in the world.

If we consistently find ourselves having the same kinds of conflicts with others it is usually more palatable for us to blame them for being so unreasonable or neurotic!! But all the conflict is alluding to is that the way we have been interacting with them up until now doesn’t create the effect we want. In the same way as we don’t have to know everything about electricity in order to turn a light on, we equally don’t have to understand everything that is going through some else’s head in order to tweak our approach to see if that changes their response.

There is an old Hawaiian saying that I originally heard from Michael Neill. It goes:

“you can have anything you want in life, but you have to pay… attention”

This is probably the best advice you could ever adopt. Contrary to what we like to believe we don’t get to choose how the world works. All we can do is be curious as to what naturally occurs within the law of cause and effect as we shift thoughts and behaviour. If what we’re doing isn’t causing the effect want, that’s great news. It means we don’t have to do it that way again! And because we are not in control of the way the world (or the Universe, or nature) works, then that means we don’t have to beat ourselves up about getting it wrong. When all is said and done, you are simply conducting one big experiment in Life’s great science lab.

Some may think that is too much of a cavalier attitude, but it is actually a pretty healthy way of looking at things. Regardless of your personal values or spiritual beliefs, being willing to pay attention to what happens in the world in relation to what you think, say or do, and to keep trying out new approaches (even if you don’t fully understand why things haven’t worked out the way you hoped) means you are only ever getting closer to what you really want. Doing the same things over and over whilst expecting a different result is like trying to push a square peg through a round whole (and it will drive you mad!!)


Think about what is going on in your life right now and pick an area where you have not been experiencing the kind of outcomes you want. That may be to do with your goals, your relationships, your finances, your health, your work…

Now think about what you have been thinking, saying or doing repeatedly despite the fact that the same result keeps cropping up time and again.

Next, grab a piece of paper and write down at least 5 other ways you could look at, speak about, or respond to that same situation that you haven’t considered before. If you need inspiration, contemplate how your most trusted advisers might do it differently.

Now, here’s the fun part. Pick one of those new ideas and go out there and play with it. Remember, you’re not looking for this to be the answer to all your problems, you’re just experimenting with cause and effect. As and when you do it in that new way take a step back and, with a genuine curiosity, pay close attention to how the world (or other people) responds differently than before. Be patient.

If that new way still doesn’t get you what you want, move onto another idea from your list and give that one a go. Keep experimenting, adapting and tweaking, but most importantly, keep going!

Take great care. Namaste.